The Young and the Restless

Michael Muhney
c/o The Young and the Restless
7800 Beverly Blvd Suite 3305
Los Angeles, CA 90036

Dear Mr. Muhney,

I have been watching Y&R with my grandmother since I was a little kid, and in the past few years that she's needed me around more to take care of her, I've gotten back to watching. My favorite characters are the tough business guys, and your portrayal of Adam Newman is one of my all-time favorites. I was writing to you in hopes that you might send an autographed photo. I received one from Eric Braeden last year and my grandmother really got a kick out of it. If you get the chance, this would mean a lot to me. Hope to see you on Y&R for years to come!

Sincerely,

Houlihans

Mr. Robert Hartnett, CEO, Houlihan's Restaurants, Inc
Corporate Office & Headquarters
8700 State Line Rd
Ste. 100 Leawood KS 66206

Dear Mr. Hartnett,

It has recently come to my attention that Houlihans Restaurants values customer feedback, so I thought I would write regarding my recent visit to your Washington Road, Pittsburgh, PA location. First of all, the food was absolutely delicious, so you needn't worry. Secondly, I was using my free birthday meal card, which I am greatly appreciative of, so overall I found this a satisfying experience.

My one concern is that, upon arriving to the restaurant my date and I were told we would have quite an extensive wait. Thankfully, it didn't turn out to be more than five or ten minutes, so again, you needn't worry about that aspect of the experience. We spent these few minutes killing time at the bar. I ordered a Miller Light bottle. I wanted an IC Light, which the bar did not stock, but nobody is perfect. Once we were alerted to the fact that our table was ready, I settled up the tab for this beer so we could get on with our dinner. I paid with a $20 bill, and the bartender gave me a ten and a five in change and proceeded to dart across the bar to, undoubteduly, attend to the needs of another customer. Good service, no doubt.

My concern is that I was left with no choice but to drop a $5 bill to tip for this solitary bottle, or otherwise putz around for another five or ten minutes trying to get the bartender back to make change and look like a cheapskate in front of my date. I am not suggesting that this was done intentionally so the bartender could make extra money in tips, but it was just an awkward scenario and I ended up spending $9 for a bottle of beer I bought solely to kill time while waiting for my table.

I am not suggesting that there is any manner of recourse required for this, but just thought it was something the restaurant ought to consider. Or perhaps there should be a way to transfer the bill to the table or something like that, so the bartender can be tipped after the meal.

Thank you for your time. Again, the food was great as always.

Sincerely,

Citizens Bank

Ms. Ellen Alemany
Chairman and CEO, Citizens Financial Group
One Citizens Plaza
Providence, Rhode Island 02903

August 19, 2012

Dear Ms. Alemany,


I am writing because today I tried to deposit two postal money orders into a Citizens Bank ATM on Fort Couch Road in Bethel Park. It would not take them. This is one of those new-style no envelope ATMs, which, until now, I found useful. This would have never happened with the old envelope ATMs. Now I am forced to walk around with $2,000 worth of money orders until I can find an open bank, which I seldom can during non-work hours. This is extremely unsafe. Once again, the bank has implemented cost saving measures that have reduced the usefulness of the bank to its members. On top of the decision to refuse to send out paper statements without charging an outrageous fee, this is absolutely infuriating. I hope the bank will seriously take a look at its new measures and their impact on customer service as it continues its sharp turn, in my opinion, down hill. I have a lot of money in this bank and all I am getting back from it is the shaft.


Sincerely,

Comcast

7/28/2012

Mr. Neil Smit, President and Comcast Executive Care Team
Comcast Cable
1500 Market Street
Philadelphia, PA 19102

Dear Comcast,

I recently canceled my television service because a channel I wanted was switched to a more advanced package without my knowledge. I have since returned the box and am writing because I am completely flabbergasted in trying to figure out what I actually owe for August.

Before canceling, I owed 74.49 (which was somehow unexpectedly $20 more than the previous month with the same packages, but that's neither here nor there). Simply deducting the costs of the XFINITY TV and associated fees, I should owe 37.44 (Internet, Modem Rental and Sales Tax).

The form I received from the center where I dropped off my box states “STMT BAL: 74.49, CUR BAL: 46.01.” I assume CUR BAL is what I owe. Not understanding where the extra ten dollars came from, I went online. There, I had a litany of credits and charges that not even a forensic accountant could sift through, culminating in the final line “Total Pending Charges $48.87.” This is ten dollars more than I actually owe, and $2.86 more than my receipt from the Comcast center says I owe. Nothing here jives at all. If anything, I should owe LESS than $37.44, since there are four days in July that I shouldn't have to pay for XFINITY TV and associated charges. I am not sure what sort of comedy of errors has ensued, but the base price of the Internet package is $29.95. How I get a bill for $20.00 more than that is absolutely silly. I trust you will aide me in resolving this.


Sincerely,

Half Price Books

6/3/2012

Sharon Anderson Wright, CEO
Half Price Books, Records, Magazines Inc.
5803 East Northwest Highway
Dallas, TX 75231

Dear Ms. Wright,

I have been a long-time customer of Half Price Books, buying and selling books and music for years. The chain has been a source of good, affordable enjoyment for me, my friends and my family. However, I am sad to say that recently the chain has taken a noticeable turn for the worse.

It used to be that budget used CDs would sell for $1.00. Now, it is more common to see them at $3.00, even though the value of CDs is actually decreasing. The regular-priced used discs are now showing up more frequently with prices in the $8.99-$10.99 range, a price I would expect to see for a brand new version of the disc at Best Buy. CD stores that sold discs new at these prices have closed everywhere. I mostly frequent the Bethel Park, PA location but have found similar situations at Robinson and McKnight Road.

Additionally, the offers for trade-in CDs are becoming more and more insulting. Yesterday at the Bethel Park location, I traded in about 22 CDs for $10.00. I paid more than that for each one of them. I couldn’t stomach the idea of purchasing anything after that low blow. In the future, I will donate my CDs to Good Will. I feel like too much of a sucker trading in at HPB anymore.

I thought the chain had this sort of indie, hipster feel but now it seems to operate like Bain Capital. I saw a used Blu-Ray copy of Farscape: The Complete Series the other day for $99.99. I checked after I got home and it sells for $81.99 brand new on Amazon.com. I guess it’s a good thing I can’t afford a Blu-Ray player because I can’t afford the used discs at HPB either.

Ms. Wright, I like your chain. I mean, I have liked it in the past, but I don’t like being a sucker, and that’s what I feel like shopping at Half Price Books.

Sincerely,

Comcast

5/26/2012

Mr. Neil Smit, President

Comcast Cable
1500 Market Street
Philadelphia, PA 19102

Dear Mr. Smit,

It has recently come to my attention that my Comcast Cable and Internet has changed from $85.55 to $93.49 a month.  Mind you, I was not on any sort of deal where the service was cheaper for a certain number of months.  This was just a straight jack-up in price.

Now, I’m sure I accidentally tossed out some nondescript jargon-laced paperwork that explained what necessitated this change, and I’m not even going to spend any time arguing with your customer service reps about whether or not I received it.  I just want to let you know, I seriously feel I am continually getting less and less for my money with Comcast, and more and more I’m seeing it as something that I just flat out cannot afford to be wasting my money on.  In fact, I had already called to have my features downgraded because I couldn’t afford the previous price.  I was glad to see it down in the 80s range for a while, but here it is going up again, unexpectedly.

I am not a huge TV watcher and I no longer need the Internet for work, so what are my options at this point?  Should I cancel one and hang onto the other for a while until the price of one service alone gets jacked into the $90 range?  Which one of the two is cheaper?  I’m thinking TV will just have to go, unless there are any further downgrades I can ask for.  And at that point, is it even worth having?

Let’s be honest, with all this DVD and Blu-Ray and FIOS and all this other crap, the value of what I’m getting in a standard cable package is actually decreasing, and yet I am continually paying more and more for it.  It’s price I simply can’t afford.  I hope you can work with me on this somehow, but please do not contact me via telephone.  My account number is ###################.

Sincerely,

Gary Johnson

5/12/2012

Mr. Gary Johnson
731 E South Temple
Salt Lake City, Utah  84102

Dear Mr. Johnson,

Having watched your responses in one of the Republican debates you weren’t shafted out of, I’d have to say I describe myself as casually supportive but optimistic about your bid as Libertarian candidate for the presidency in 2012.  I have been a Ron Paul fan for some time, and being that the Pennsylvania primary is now history, becoming a full-fledged Johnson supporter seems like a logical next step.

Though I have my familiarity with your campaign is not extensive, I do, however, have a few concerns that I feel obligated to convey to you in the furtherance of your bid for the White House.  First of all, with all due respect to the hard-working staff who came up with these, shirts with slogans like “The Coolest President in History” and “The People’s President” strike me as closer to something out of Weekend at Bernie’s than a legitimate political campaign.  I honestly wanted to buy a Johnson shirt and spread the message but was stymied in this regard by the fact that your campaign merchandise seems less than serious.  I did find a nice Johnson shirt on another website, but the proceeds don’t go to the campaign so it felt like it didn’t make any sense to buy it.  I do want to note that the slogan “Live Free,” even though it immediately brings to mind the words “or Die Hard,” isn’t as bad as the others.

Furthermore, the correlation of your name and the word “marijuana” on your website and on Google, Ebay, et cetera, comes off as a cheap ploy to fool stoner college kids into one-issue voting for Johnson.  I realize that your stance on this subject is more substantive than this, but the casual observer will not, and again it makes your campaign come off as less serious than it ought to.

Again, I am not writing this out of animosity, but rather out of concern for how your campaign is being imaged.  I consider myself a Johnson supporter in the 2012 election, and I both hope and expect to see you finishing strong in November.

Sincerely,

Panera Bread

4/23/2012

Mr. Ronald M. Shaich, Founder, Chairman of the Board and co-CEO
Mr. William W. Moreton, President and co-CEO
Panera Bread Corporate Office
6710 Clayton Road
Saint Louis, MO 63117

Dear Messrs. Shaich and Moreton,

I have been a long-time patron and fan of Panera Bread. You offer unique and healthy menu items, all of which are very tasty and always fresh. The wait staff is almost always courteous and professional, and all locations I’ve visited have had a cleanly and positive atmosphere.

I was however distraught to learn that the price of your takeout portion of Chicken and Wild Rice soup was almost $6.00. I feel this is offensively high priced because 1) the takeout portion is significantly smaller than the dine-in portion and 2) $6.00 would be a high price for soup even if sold by the gallon.

I understand that Panera Bread considers itself a higher-class establishment, however I feel this price is prohibitively expensive to those of us struggling to get by. After taxes are taken out, that meager portion of soup is equivalent to more than an hour’s wage for many folks. If I ate Panera Bread Chicken and Rice soup for each meal, every day, the grand total would be $6,570.00 a year. And, barring a generously-sized baguette, I would starve.

I did not consume the soup myself, though I am certain that it was delicious. It was purchased for my 89-year-old grandmother, who, due to an esophageal motility condition, requires all her food to be pureed. Because of that, there isn’t much she is actually able to eat, and she weighs less than 90 pounds. She enjoyed your soup, but even with her small appetite, she found the portion lacking.

I would never take it upon myself to presume that I could run your business. Clearly, you do a very fine job and everything associated with Panera Bread is of the utmost quality. I did however feel that there was a serious discrepancy in the pricing for this portion, and being a longtime patron, I felt obligated to offer this observation to you for the sake of the Panera Bread brand. I seek nothing from you, only that you would take this into consideration for future endeavors.

Sincerely,

Borough Council of Dormont

1444 Hillsdale Avenue
Pittsburgh, PA 15216

Dear Borough Council of Dormont,

I am writing in regard to the street sweeping schedule in Dormont, which has become so convoluted that it is almost comical. Earlier this year, we were issued a notice in the form of a car window flier advising us that street sweeping was coming. Luckily I was actually parked in Dormont at the time and received the notice, unlike all of the residents who weren't. The next month, I accidentally forgot about street sweeping on the first Tuesday and was issued a $25.00 parking ticket. Okay, fair enough. Earlier today I remembered about the street sweeps and moved my car to the other side of the street, as previously instructed. Myself and a handful of other residents on the street who did the same still received a parking ticket.

I was not informed that the procedure was changed back again to moving off the street entirely until I went to the police station absolutely confused and upset about it. I told the officer there I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out any way not to get a parking ticket simply for being a resident of Dormont who works second shift and doesn't come out of the apartment before 8:00 a.m. He informed me that they “weren't happy about it either,” and that the rules keep getting changed and that residents aren't able to keep up.

After going back later to check, the street signs have been changed again (second time in two years) back to the old/new rule of vacating the street entirely on these days. Okay, so the rule is posted. Are residents really expected to check these signs daily to see if they've changed? They look nearly identical to anyone not examining them word-for-word. Even the window flier I lucked into receiving did not mention this rule change.

I really believe this is the kind of crap that encourages people to move out of a place like Dormont. At face value, paying a nominal sum for a parking pass seems like a good deal. Little do residents know, they will be paying a hidden tax in the form of parking tickets due to these perpetually changing rules. I have lived in Dormont for three years and generally find it to be a nice neighborhood, but I really see no difference between these street sweeping tickets and a thief stealing money out of my back pocket. I intend to move out of Dormont soon, and will gladly cite this as a reason to stay out for anyone thinking of moving here. I am requesting remuneration in the form of $25.00 for your lack of sufficient notice for this rule change. You may send it to my address below.

Bethel Park

Department of Community Services
5100 West library Avenue
Bethel Park, PA 15102 – 2787

Dear Bethel Park Department of Community Services,

I am writing to you in regard to the recycling collection on Bethel Church Road. I do not live there, but since my dad broke his hip, I have been helping to manage some of these things.

Two weeks ago, I went to collect the recycling from the bottom of the driveway and several plastic containers were strewn around. I assumed this was some sort of mistake, or maybe they weren't taken because they were frozen inside the bin. I was irritated by this, but I collected them back up and disregarded it.

This week, I came over to find that no less than 20 plastic items (see attached) were strewn across the yard. No ice, no freezing this week. I had to stand out there by the dangerous roadside and pick these things up, dirtying my work clothes.

I will not include the specific address on Bethel Church here, as to spare my parents against any sort of retaliation. I do not like writing letters like this and I don't want anyone to get in trouble, but I just can't understand what is going on here.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Citizens Bank

Ms. Ellen Alemany
Chairman and CEO, Citizens Financial Group
One Citizens Plaza
Providence, Rhode Island 02903

Monday, January 16, 2012

Dear Ms. Alemany,

Several months ago, I wrote a letter highlighting my disgust with the bank’s decision to stop sending paper statements as a standard business practice, instead charging $36.00 a year to print and mail 12 sheets of paper. I believed that the bank was using “Go Green” as a facade to cheat bank patrons and cut financial corners.

Now, disgusted as I may have been, I at least assumed it was because the bank was experiencing some financial concerns and couldn’t afford the cost of printing and mailing if it intended to remain financially viable.

You can imagine my surprise when I learned that the bank had recently printed and mailed tons of "Cash Back, Automatically!" advertisements to its customers. It is a shame that the bank that supposedly can’t afford to send us paper statements, a normal function and service of a bank, can still, on the other hand, afford to solicit its patrons with unwanted junk mail.

Citizens has always been a reliable bank with good customer service. It is unfortunate that it has, of late, seemed to develop a priority problem, and its patrons have taken a clear back seat.

Please share my thoughts with your fellow decision-makers.

Sincerely,

McDonalds

Friday, August 26, 2011
Mr. Jim Skinner, Chief Executive Officer
McDonald’s Corporation
2111 McDonald’s Drive
Oak Brook, Illinois 60523

Dear Mr. Skinner,

I have been a long-time patron of McDonald’s restaurants and am generally pleased with the service and food that I receive there. Most recently, I would like to applaud the addition of the oatmeal breakfast item, which I frequently find myself ordering. Unfortunately, not all of your locations are as exemplary as the next. One such location is the one on West Liberty Avenue in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

While the food at the West Liberty McDonald’s is of standard Mickey D’s caliber, it takes so long to get it that it can hardly be labeled fast food. Any time of the day, whether it be 12:30 a.m. at the 24 hour drive through or otherwise, it takes the patience of a saint to wait to place an order, and this is with very few patrons in front of me. This evening, there were two cars in line, and I still had to throw up my hands in exasperation and turn around.

One could literally go to the supermarket, purchase the necessary ingredients, return home and prepare a similar sandwich in the amount of time that it takes to purchase one at this location. Now, I couldn’t do it at the dollar menu cost, but I had to forfeit that luxury when pulling away tonight regardless. It is heartbreaking that such an excellent franchise has fallen into such disarray, and this in a recently-remodeled location, no less. I can only continue to vote with my feet when the service is this obscenely poor, and hope that it makes a difference.

At times when I’ve sent letters to various companies, they’ve responded by sending me gift cards and things of that nature. I’d like you to know, this is not my objective. After all, the food wouldn’t be free if it took 20 minutes of my time to receive it. I ask that you only take these concerns under advisement when looking at ways to speed up the process.

Thank you for your time,

Sincerely,

Subway

Mr. Fred De Luca, CEO, Subway Restaurants
Subway World Headquarters
325 Bic Drive
Milford, Connecticut 06460

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Dear Mr. De Luca,

Yesterday, I visited a Subway restaurant located in North Fayette, Pennsylvania. Both the sandwich I ordered (a 12-inch Philly cheese steak on Italian herb with onions and banana peppers) and the service were absolutely flawless, and I commend you and the franchise in that regard.

I was, however, shocked to learn that the price of this sandwich was a hair’s breadth short of $10.00. Mind you, this was with no drink, no chips, and no macadamia nut cookies, which are, incidentally, delicious. I realize that in tough economic times, fewer and fewer people are able to afford to go out to eat and that the resultant loss in profits will need to be compensated for somehow, however I do not believe that charging $10.00 for a sandwich is the way to go about doing this.

When discussing Subway, one is reminded of the exploits of Jared Fogle. Supposing that
Mr. Fogle threw caution to the wind where health was concerned, and instead had the Philly cheese steak at every meal for an entire year. I ask you, would he have eaten $11,000 worth of food? I don’t believe that any reasonable person could conclude that he had. As a figure of comparison, someone earning the federal minimum wage, working 40 hours a week, 52 weeks a year, would gross $15,080.

At the risk of committing reductio ad absurdum, had a family of four eaten these sandwiches at every meal for the entire 11 years that Jared has been associated with Subway, the total cost would be almost half a million dollars. Assuming drinks, chips and macadamia nut cookies, it would easily exceed that number.

Of course, no one is suggesting that anyone could or should do this, but it exemplifies my point: The sandwich is blatantly too expensive. As much as I would love to continue eating at Subway frequently, the number speak for themselves: I cannot afford it.

In closing, I would like to commend you once more for the quality of your restaurants, their food and the service provided within them, but, again, I would strongly urge you to take a look at these numbers and try to find a happy medium between profitable and reasonable.

Sincerely,

Citizens Bank

Ms. Ellen Alemany
Chairman and CEO, Citizens Financial Group
One Citizens Plaza
Providence, Rhode Island 02903

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Dear Ms. Alemany,

I have been a Citizens Bank account holder for many years, and in general I have been very pleased with the friendly and professional service I receive every time I walk into one of your branch offices. However, in the past week, I have spotted an issue of concern that I’d like to share with you.

In regard to Citizens Bank’s new policy of charging penalty fees to bank account holders who receive paper statements, I would like to formally express my disapproval. This service has always been part and parcel of what the bank has given its account holders in return for entrusting it with their money. All of a sudden, it costs $36.00 to print and mail 12 paper statements per year. Why?

Many account holders would prefer to deal with important financial matters on the hard copy rather than relying on computers, and you can count me among them. Now it seems as if we are being strong-armed to change. Again, why?

The guise is that it is an effort to “Go Green.” Aside from the fact that not all account holders agree with the politics of this effort, it seems to be, in actuality, a pretense to cut more corners in order to save money. Where dollars and cents are concerned, you’ve made a smart move. However, I find this decision lacking in the customer service department.

I know you have elderly and disabled account holders who are not familiar with or able to use computers, and they will be forced to eat these fees if they wish to know anything at all about what’s going on with their bank accounts. Again, I find that truly unfortunate. With more and more small banks advertising fee-free accounts on television, I think this is something you ought to take into consideration.

Furthermore, upon viewing my transactions online, these penalties are marked only as “Fee,” leaving me to inquire further to figure out what exactly I had done wrong to incur them..

These fees were removed as a one-time courtesy, which I do appreciate, but I am disappointed by the fact that I will have to resort to e-statements in order to avoid them in the future.


Thank you for all the years of solid, reliable banking. Please share my remarks with the rest of your board members.

Sincerely,

I am thinking about turning this website into an alien conspiracy blog

Pittsburgh 03/27: Elegy for March 2010

KDKA

Dear KDKA,


On the 5:00 News, Patrice King Brown said that it was not illegal to fail to fill out the census. Yet on my census envelope it says "required by law." How do I know which is right?

Pittsburgh 3/20: Ritual Pacification