Bird looks like Trump

Animal control was recently called on "Donald Trump," a pheasant in New York who likes to strut around the yard.  Though the golden pheasant is native to China, this bird is keenly aware that they are killing us in trade and will renegotiate the deal, big league.

Rating: 10/10 (Great animal, believe me).
Read more: http://www.wpxi.com/news/trending-now/bird-looks-like-donald-trump-but-does-he-act-like-him/313892766

Sears

Written on behalf of my mom:

Mr. Edward Lampert, CEO

Sears Holdings

3333 Beverly Road

Hoffman Estates, IL 60179

Dear Mr. Lampert,

I am a lifelong Sears customer and have likely spent thousands of dollars over the years on merchandise from your stores.  It is with regret that I write you regarding a recent change in your returns policy.

I recently purchased ties for my husband at Sears (South Hills Village Mall).  The one he chose to wear to my son’s wedding was a Covington tie.  We opened it on the day of the wedding and noticed it had wrinkles and marks. It was defective.  When I tried returning the tie two weeks later, the store would not accept the return because of the 30 day return policy. 

The tie remained in its packaging until after this 30 day period and was only opened on the day of the wedding.  The manager of the store, Dominic, showed no concern for our misfortune and stated we should have figured this out beforehand.  He made no good faith effort to rectify this in any way, despite the fact that it was a defective Sears brand product on top of everything.

I called and filed a complaint (# 4178839) but was told the same thing on the phone.  Again, the customer service representative made no good faith effort to rectify this in any way.  Mr.  Lampert, your stores are closing everywhere.  It is no wonder.  Your company is screwing customers over pennies.  Amazon.com typically accepts returns for items in this price range without even requesting that the item be sent back.  Are you trying to right the ship at Sears, or squeeze as much out of it until it sinks?

For Sears to lose a lifelong customer over $16.99 is insane and awful corporate policy.  The correct thing for Sears to have done would be to have accepted the return.  Barring that, you still should have offered some sort of conciliation such as a store gift card.  This is customer service 101.  If your managers do not have the power to make these kinds of small potatoes decisions, that is embarrassing for them and for the company as a whole.  Does Sears corporate really think that this level of micromanaging is going to yield a positive result?  You are losing customers and making your employees look foolish.

I hope that you can rectify this in some way.  It seems like Sears is going the way of Roebuck.

Sincerely,

Minivan-sized sea sponge

Found off the coast of Hawaii near the Papahanaumokuakea Marine National Monument, this sea sponge would probably be pretty useful if you wanted to wash a minivan.  Points for harmlessness and size, but this thing just doesn't seem very interesting.

Rating: 6/10 (Look into this if you own a car wash).

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2016/05/28/us/massive-sponge-hawaii-irpt/index.html

CNN hurting for ratings!

Harambe the western lowland gorilla

Harambe made the news today as he decided to drag around a boy who fell into the gorilla cage.  Harambe was reportly not attacking the boy, but was "dragging" him around the cage.  The gorilla was shot and killed.  Due to the ambiguity of the situation, it is tough to rate Harambe.  The other apes left the cage on command but Harambe grabbed the kid and kept dragging.  Not the worst ape, but certainly not the best.

Rating: 3/10 (Bad animal)

Read more:  http://www.cnn.com/2016/05/28/us/zoo-kills-gorilla/index.html

Blueberry the Lobster

This lobster was recently caught and released in Canada.  Why?  Because it's blue!  So blue a little girl named him Blueberry.  It is a one in two million shot to catch one of these critters, but I'm sure it's worth the million tries once you catch one.  Apparently there are also white lobsters.  Red, white and blue?  That's a fish I can get behind.

Rating: 10/10 (Best animal)

Read more:  http://www.cnn.com/2016/05/24/world/blue-lobsters-nova-scotia/

Rush Limbaugh's Dream Screenshot

Mergers and Acquisitions

CNN: We don't need no stinking proofreader

Shot glass?

Problem Solved

National Hockey League

Gary Bettman, Commissioner

National Hockey League

1185 Avenue of the Americas

New York, NY 10036

5/18/16

Mr. Bettman,

Good afternoon.  I am writing in regard to the NHL Playoffs that are taking place currently.  In general, I feel that NHL hockey is action-packed and exciting.  However, it is with regret that I write this letter.

As a resident of Pittsburgh, I have attempted to catch the last few Penguins games to support my local team here in the playoffs.  I was dismayed to see, time after time, the games starting at 8pm EST.  I am an ordinary person who works 8am to 5pm, and I couldn’t imagine staying up until the end of one of these games regardless of the importance.  I would imagine many others feel the same.

The playoffs are a great chance to rope in new and casual fans, to get them more involved.  Why blow this opportunity by playing the games so late at night when decent folks are sleeping?  I understand that this may be an attempt to pull in west coast viewers, but these are not west coast teams playing, and you are losing east coast viewers in the process.

What’s worse, while the rights have been given to NBC, many of the games are played on a hidden pay channel called NBCS.  What gives?  Why switch to a national network for the playoffs when your games are still only available on a premium cable package?  I cut the cord years ago, and I know many others who have done the same.  This is another blown opportunity, as folks like me would otherwise gladly tune in and drop loads of money on NHL gear and products advertised by your sponsors.

To surmise, please make the games earlier and move them to the regular NBC channel.

Sincerely,

The University of Chicago Press

The University of Chicago Press

RE:  Chicago Manual of Style

1427 East 60th Street

Chicago, IL 60637 U.S.A.

5/18/16

Dear University of Chicago Press,

A Google search has revealed to me that there is no authority who regulates the English language.  To the best of my knowledge, you are my next closest option.  It is with that in mind that I write you with a suggestion.

As we know, it is customary to list the dollar sign before an amount, i.e. $20.  However, as English is written and read from left to right, this is counterintuitive.  We say “twenty dollars,” not “dollars twenty.”  The gods of common sense dictate that this should be changed, and I believe the Chicago Manual of Style should be THE manual to pioneer it.  

As a former court reporter I can attest that the current syntax is very unusual during verbatim transcription.  I can think of no instance other than currency where this is the case.  We all know the English language is notoriously wonky and confusing.  Let’s take a stab at righting the ship.  University of Chicago Press, will you take the lead?

For further suggestions on improving the English language, please feel free to write me at the address below.

Sincerely,

North Side

Losing My Religion

Thumbs up

Ballz

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